You might not like to hear this, but Matrix is your best bet despite being “meh”. I know you tried Element and didn’t like how it felt, but Element is just a skin for Matrix, and you can try different skins, such as:
- FluffyChat - most Messenger-like, familiar UI
- Cinny - web-based, looks modern and clean
- SchildiChat - Element but with better UX
Matrix can be self-hosted, or use public severs that don’t require ID verification, E2EE by default in private chats/rooms, works without phone numbers, multiple client options, voice/video calling works (though not quite as smooth as Discord… maybe use Mumble for that), and is cross-platform (desktop/mobile/web).
Biggest hurdle is getting others to switch, but that’s true for any alternatives.
Some tips to get people to switch:
- Set EVERYTHING up for them, removing as many friction points as possible (making accounts, installing apps, joining first few rooms/spaces)
- Choose the right client (probably not Element)
- Don’t lead with “privacy/security”, instead focus on:
- “Discord is requiring ID soon, this doesn’t”
- “It’s free and has no ads”
- “No nitro paywall for good features”
- Don’t try to convert everyone at once, just need your small group first
- Have a bridge period where you’re on both Discord and Matrix
- But be more active and responsive on Matrix
- Have compelling reason or event for them to move over
- Only need to start with ONE use-case rather than everything
- “Family updates will be posted here now”
- Better response on concrete change than random switching
- Only need to start with ONE use-case rather than everything
- Be the “tech support”
- Be patient and responsive when anyone has questions
- Partial adoption is okay
- 50-70% adoption is realistic