A friend of mine posted me on tik tok

I tend to be ok, no comfortable, but ok with my friends taking snaps and things with me in them, but tik tok is one of those that I am absolutly not. My friend posted a video without my knowledge, I don’t know quite how to handle this.

Just talk to your friend about the issue. Explain to them why you’re not comfortable with videos and pictures of you being posted online. Explain why TikTok is a problematic platform and ask them to please remove their posts of you. Make sure to express how this isn’t a light issue for you, and if they don’t understand, or at least try to understand, then I’d consider ending your friendship with them, not because they don’t value privacy, but because they don’t value and respect your beliefs.


Because they don’t respect you as a person. It has nothing to do with any beliefs.

Anyway, I agree. This is problematic. And sometimes it’s not easy, because the social pressure is a real thing. Imagine that you’re at a small b-day party for a kid of a friend for example. The kid wants to take a photo with you. You know that the parents are using TikTok, Facebook, Instagram and don’t have a clue about privacy.
You have to be custom to be “the weirdo”.

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Ive been the resident weirdo in my family and at work for a long time. People often don’t know what to do when they try to send something to me over fbook etc, and I respond ‘I don’t have that.’ I don’t explain why unless they are interested.

When my first child was born i asked that no one share pictures over facebook. On day 1 a relative did just that not 10 minutes after I asked them not too. I know they were just happy that a new baby was here and gently spoke with them. They altered the post shortly after and changed it to something like “baby mongst has arrived” but without the photo, etc.

Being consistent for a long time, I’ve noticed people now come to me and ask my opinion about apps, privacy, tech etc. I often get asked to participate at work in meetings with IT and software choices for the company… And some people i know still cant even grasp why I refuse to install tiktok.

TLDR: communicate with others. If you have a relationship and you are consistent over time they will start to change/adapt for you.

PS: peer pressure / fear of not conforming only exists in your mind. But emotions also inform the intellect. Explore why you feel “weird” for not wanting your image shared on the internet. That answer is likely the icebreaker conversation with your friend.

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The social pressures are just immense. I don’t know how they’re gonna react. A lot of my friends are that post everything type. I did a spicy hotwing eating challenge a few weeks back, and I got congratulated by people at my school ( I’m in college) that I’d never even met. It really triggered my anxiety. Now, i’ve been losing sleep over this too, and it’s been two days! I feel the longer I wait, the more I compromise my beliefs, but I don’t want to look like the weirdo. I know what I have to do, but it’s just so hard.

Talk to your friend and explain them that Tiktok has ties with China which is the reason you don’t want your face there. I guess a short composed reason about your issue would be more digestable to your friend than a long essay about privacy.

Yes. I gave up on explanation some time ago.

Eh… not my experience to be honest. If (and that’s a big if) they ask anyway usually don’t like the answer. They come to me with all the tech related stuff, but when it comes to privacy suddenly I don’t know what I’m talking about. People don’t care at all, because:

  • I have nothing to hide. (sic)
  • I don’t write anything secret.
  • Who cares that Facebook/Instagram/BigTech know about me, some John Doe, goes to the dentist 1st of Jan.
  • They know everything anyway already.

Nowadays I try to always say that I’m in “security and privacy” not just “privacy”. They’re two different things of course, but they go hand in hand. Tying these together helps to break it to people, because they understand the meaning of security much more than a privacy, which is kind a abstract subject.

True. It’s just take some time to get use to. If you’re consistent it become a second nature to you. New “default position”. That could be a strong basis for breaking the social pressure. It’s nice to start with some small things. Such as refusing to give your zip code/email when cashier ask you. Happens to me all the time - “Can I have your zip code?” - “No.” … :person_shrugging: Easy peasy :laughing:

Deep breath and take a step back. First of all (and it’s the hardest part!) you have to realize that there are things in the world that you have no control over. Period. Just accept that and you’ll feel a big relief.

Nora Allen to Barry: Accept the things you cannot change. Have the courage to change the things you can… and have the wisdom to know the difference.
Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox

(Original is called “Serenity prayer” but I find the God irrelevant.)

Second, as many mentioned here, privacy is not a goal it’s a journey. You cannot do everything in one week. Take small steps and learn from mistakes. Yes, they posted your photo. It pisses you of, I completely understand, but it does not mean at all that you failed or your effort is not worth it. You’re already FAR BETTER of then the others because you’re aware of the privacy issues, thinking about it and actively taking some precautions. Privacy is not ALL or NOTHING.

Are you a gamer? Doesn’t matter. Imagine that you play a game when you find/get a new weapon/armor/car which gives you 2% more damage/protection/speed. 2% is almost nothing, right? Negligible. But then you can find something else. +1%. It’s 1% here 2% there and in the grand scheme of things it adds up to something. It makes a difference for you. And, as @Mongst mentioned - if you’re consistent, you’ll make a difference also for others around you.


intresting advice. i will start doing the same

Btw, completely random, but in the last video from The New Oil (9:35), Nathan advice really similar phrasing: “cyber security” :slight_smile:

1: A: do you have a lock or curtains / on your home/bathroom? (Or) B: unlock your phone and let me browse…
(I use A for more mature people and B for less mature people.)

2: can I have your fbook/email login and password? (Or) can I read your journal?

3: I care… They should only be allowed know what I choose to share with them.

4: they know a lot, but that does not mean its good. I object to some of their practices and therefore abstain from willing participation.*

Just my personal answers to these objections (you all may have better ones)

I always found this example to be flawed, simply because to the person you’re saying this, in their head it’s like “I know you, so the info you can find can be embarassing to me, or you can find something that you can use against me in my social circle, etc…but if a complete stranger on another side of the planet sees that I liked XY’s post, it means nothing for them. They have no context in contrary to you.” Get it?